Dear Diary #1

Dear Diary,

I was feeling dizzy the whole day and my energy had gone down to its lowest. I threw up like 3 times and I literally forgot to eat perhaps that's what made me feel so weak. But yea .. my thoughts are still active but I have lose interest to converse with anyone. I happen to mis-send sms and even pm's on my social sites so I decided to just turn the green light off. I had a little chitchat with mom and dee over yahoo voice though ..but not the usual, my tongue is placed.

I'm typing all these while my younger sister is conversing with our younger sisters in tagalog so they won't forget to speak the language (they sound so cute and funny) soon enough they will be together when ate and I will be left here in the Phil for a time., I hope though that it won't be too long. I wish I can see God's gantt chart .. to know where I am now. Life matters, why all of a sudden I felt unhappy? seasons ..

My Friend :)

What good is it to have a friend to reverse your petty thoughts to silly things. To give you time when there's almost none to spare and to deliver words to remind you of truth.

Returning home as she relinquish on bed, she recalls how the day had gone. Rewinding words that are thrown to her she is almost in tears. Out of all the compliments received, she remembered the negatives and fed them. What's the matter?' she checked her heart. Inside it is a wellspring, a river of joy wanting to come out but is bounded for she is sometimes blinded with what her eyes can only see.

There comes the green light' a timely timely green light. Now she's refreshed, she's back on track and never going back.

BALANCE: Life & Work

29 He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak. 

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall; 

31 but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40: 29 - 31 

It's the first day of the week and i feel like Friday tired. I'm happy to start my week right though, I woke up early .. heard from God and report to work 30mins. before time. It was a fine day, my kids behaved well and it made me realize that God can possibly tame them for my sake, they all tried their best to listen to whatever I have to tell them and did their seat works pretty well aside of course to those who are yet to adopt our everyday rituals. 

This afternoon, we had our admin meeting as usual and our dear principal taught us about Self Governance. I'm trying to recall when I first heard about it but more than that .. I feel so ashamed for not giving an answer when asked in what area do I think I have a strong self governance on., I wanted to say I have a well established spiritual discipline but I don't want to sound too religious so I'd say I can't think of any .. arghh!!! my thoughts are so cluttered. I am overwhelmed .. overwhelmed by all of the things that I should accomplish with no ample time given, but you know what? God remained to be gracious. Gracious in a sense that no matter how filled my time is .. He always grant me a good sleep at night.,short but deep straight sleep and I can never trade that for anything. Another thing is that He refresh me every morning with all His promises which He remains to be faithful on, even if I'm not. I appreciate that I have an hour to just devote my time to Him in school before all the kids enter the room .. I need that .. I need that, because when the cloth struck at 8am .. before I know it, it's already dark outside and that goes from monday - friday. So say whut?' please don't think that I am whining over my assignments, this is just an avenue for me to somehow withdraw my thoughts. Hehehe

Saturday is SABBATH .. and I promise myself not to do any work related task on this day. I get up to bed a little late, do the laundry (yes it's a form of therapy for me too), catch a really cool movie in Disney Channel and  head on to either gym or music team practice or vice versa. However, if I have an event to do on a Saturday .. Sunday will be my sabbath. 

Multi - tasking or working on many things is no wrong, but it is important to balance LIFE&WORK. We don't waste LIFE in working and we cannot LIVE without working, both are essential for living but imbalance will cause us to fail in fulfilling the purposes that God has for us. Say for instance, when we work too much we missed the joy of enjoying what we earn from what we are working in. It steals our time from the most important people in our lives say our families and good friends and it can make us feel so exhausted and ugly. Hehehe. On the other hand, too much resting not wanting to work will not please God at all. It's wasting the most precious thing (aside salvation)  a man is given .. time. 

I should admit, I still have a hard time managing my time. I am not good in prioritizing things, I consider everything significant for me .. my workout, tutorials, time with family NAME THEM. And I am not empowered to say NO to some things. Oh well, I am a work in progress but I guess I have to be wise in what to and what not to do with my time. I can't say "so many things to do, so little time" because we were all given equal time in a day it only differs with how well do we use it. *yawn .. it's 12mn and it's way past the time I promise my best friend that I will sleep. May this be the last time that I will stay up late. God help me. Thanks for reading. :) 

joyieness. 7/04/11 

EPIC: Lazy Satuday :)

EPIC .. today is indeed a day like no other. It was an easy day, not like my usual tiring day. I was a awaken by the loud voices coming from my sisters mouth and from dee,mama and sisters from the other side of the world through YM voice chat. I felt good, feels like we are all under one roof .. all of them saying my name, waking me up and telling me that I'm a lazy head while Gina says I'm pretty if I get up. Moments later while talking to them, I cried "morning tears" coz I felt unhappy for something that is coming. Oh well, my family has always been my weakness.

So I planned to go to school to accomplish some task but I remembered the importance of "Sabbath" .. I realized that I am so consumed by my job and it is no good, that God ordained His people to rest and I guess it's a sin not to rest. Hehehe .. am I making an excuse? I tell you not, for on the 7th day of creation even God took a rest. :)

It feels good to just hang around at home once in a while .. read a good book' open His word, get refreshed  and prepare for the coming week. I ate cereals for breakfast and turned the TV on and tune in to my all time favorite .. disney channel' there shown the Brother Bear II. Oh how I love it, I think I should catch the part1. After which., I slept again :))

Head out to MOA to finally meet ate Darling, she sang so well and brought with her some cool "pasalubong", heard from 3 of my closest boyfriends today and ended my day having dinner with my younger sister Tisha.

Love this day indeed, I miss Bwar though. Thank you Lord for a life so sweet.

The little children and Jesus

Today, I receive a word from my former group leader who is off to settle in Nepal for a long term mission [should you wish to support the work of God in that nation, PM me :) ] .. this verse reminded me that my platform is wide and cannot be belittled for the kingdom of God belongs even to the little kids that I get to spend time with every single school day. Pressure and joy arise as I hear this.

Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

I am a preschool teacher and this is my second year to be one, last year went well and as I face another school year .. I can feel how different it is from the last. I now have more students that includes some with special needs plus more responsibilities for I was tasked to head the department. To tell you honestly, I am having a hard time dealing with my everyday task that I even got sick after our first week of class. One morning I woke up feeling exhausted and God reminded me of His purpose for placing me here in such a time as this. Allow me to take you back to how I wanted this post to be mine, how broken I had been and how God amazingly proved me that He is at work.

I am in awe of God when I first heard from our principal that she believes in me and she wants me to head the preschool department of our school. I felt that it is all by His grace that I was promoted despite my lack of professional studies. Time went on and my momentum has gone to the leap. June come and strategic planning began to take place, there were some concerns that I personally raised and we all end up with a decision that is not at all favorable for me. I was taken out of preschool teaching but I remained to be the head though, I accepted and honored the decision as to submit to authority but I struggled a lot for the entire week .. I wept .. questioned His will as He use Ina [my new group leader] to speak to me from Deutoronomy 1 when God commanded His people through Moses to leave Horeb. I went home still unhappy and I was lead to read from Job where everything was taken from him .. the last chapter was made clear to me.

 1 Then Job replied to the LORD:

2 “I know that you can do all things;

no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

things too wonderful for me to know.

4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;

I will question you,

and you shall answer me.’

5 My ears had heard of you

but now my eyes have seen you.

6 Therefore I despise myself

and repent in dust and ashes.”

tears come running down my face again., I repented and I chose to obey and trust His will. A week came after and I was brought to a divine appointment with my school friend Jerome, he asked me how I am taking my new assignment and beckon me to speak my heart and mind. I need not to say more, he knows my heart and encouraged me to raise it. I chose not to .. but he did. After a while I was called in the office and was asked by our principal to speak and so I did. To cut the story short, I was assigned back to teach not only the nurseries but the kindergarten too. Like in the life of Job when on the latter days he was blessed by God with more than what he had first. 

Surely He works in ways we cannot see .. so what now? I am taking this line on more than just a job but a calling to bring the little ones to His kingdom. I tell you that this is not an easy task, it's like handling the most precious gems and placing it to where they belong .. to His kingdom and there's no way to do all these on my own, I need Him more than anyone else, I need Him to direct me in every way, to fill my heart with so much love to give and to filter my mouth to speak life to the little ones. 

Lastly, as He made himself known to me .. He sure wants to make himself known to you too. To whatever He has called you to do, my prayer is that you will be a good steward of it. Let me end with another verse ... 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 

SMILE :)