Sentiments of walking away

I am suppose to be finishing exams that are due TODAY but I find myself unhappy thinking about the paper that I signed and submitted earlier today. My hand literally shake as my manager hand me the pen saying "wala ka pang pirma" in my heart .. I wish I wouldn't have to do it but circumstances and long term goals require me to do so.

For 2 years, I am grateful to always have a reason to smile and even laugh even at the worst days of my life. To receive tight hugs and sweetest kisses that overflows every single day. When I feel unloved, I think about them and then I will go back to the certainty that I am truly loved. But more than the joy and comfort that they give me, I thank God that He cause my life to home them in school for a period of time. Like in a book, one chapter awaits after the other. These little ones will always own a place in my heart and no one can take that away. I'll be back. They will be under His care and i won't need to worry about who will handle them after me and then I too will be just fine. :)

Found love :)

So February is about to end in a day but my tale about finding the truth behind LOVE continues until the day comes. I am in awe how my Maker is able to birth in me a new heart. One this is completely whole .. leaving no trace of brokeness. I am sharing my heart out hoping that I won't sound too idealistic or religous as I may be. 

It was a happy day when an incident that happened in a train station pushed me to shed off a layer and be open to change. Like visiting my gym for the first weeks, things were plainly painful and odd. But as I continue on with the things that I should do ... I see better results. Trust me, I am making sense here' hahaha!!! Seriously, healing a broken heart is the hardest especially when you have to deal with it yourself not because no one is willing to help but because the battle is within you, within you, within you. Call me whatever but the struggle went on for more than a couple of years .. WHY? because I choose to be in it. It's that simple, no one else to blame :) 

The Impossible

I have given it my all and unfuel myself until the last drop, will I ever fall inlove again if I give up on this? But hey in the first place .. was there ever us? tears fall. Isaac was born when Abraham was on his hundreth year while Sarah is way behind her child-bearing years. How impossible then it is for the LOVE to create in me a new heart? :)

The Rescue

I was told many times in those long years to flee off or I will be swept away but my ears are too deaf to hear. Lot in the event when God is about to destroy the city is even hesitant to obey but still He has shown an in depth Love for them when He sent his angels to drag them out of the city before He reigned down the burning sulfur. I am so precious to be burned am I? :)

The Challenge

Already willing and acting upon every given task so well when sweeping and peeling off another layer took place. There I was standing with no confidence at all. The King is enthralled by your beauty, honor Him for He is your lord. Quoting from Psalm 45:11. By the beach I have gone through this passage and in my heart I gained peace. He had made the vast of the ocean so beautiful, why wouldn't He make me His heir more beautiful than that? :)

Unveiling the beauty

God put Adam to sleep when He created Eve. One of the reason I believe behind it was it could be very painful for Adam to be awake as God will take off a rib out of him and another was maybe God doesn't think it is likely for Adam to see how messy the creation of Eve will be ( I mean there's blood and everything ). In my mind, why didn't God just created Eve the same way He created Adam? Oh well, that is another thing to ponder on but for now I will rest on the truth that woman are not wired to show ultimate vulnerability to a man until such time when she is already made whole. Leaving a whole bunch of things for that man to search the heart of the LOVE before he find mine. :)

The Cure

I found LOVE. I learned about LOVE. And I fall deeply in love with the first and the last LOVE. At one point, this LOVE showed me a picture of what transpired .. had me face a mirror to see the present and lastly gave me a glimpse of what could it be in the future. In quietness and trust .. I held the hand of LOVE and obeyed. 

Thank you for reading :)

Bawal ang nakasimangot

Nakakatuwa .. matagal tagal din akong walang blog ah. Kamusta na? ayos pa ba .. cool ka lang kase sa kabila nang lahat nang pangit na pangyayari sa paligid meron pa ring maganda tayong makikita kung lubusan lang nating bubuksan ang ating mga mata. 

Masaya ako, at sa sobrang saya ko' napapatagalog ako para masaya lang .. para kakaiba naman. Hindi naman iba sa akin ang maging masaya.,masayahin naman akong sadya pero iba ito. Lubos yung ligaya na nararamdaman ko sa puso ko.,para akong bagong kasal sa sobrang ligaya. Hindi pa ako nakasal, pero naka witness na ako ng kasal na batid ko kung paano ginawa .. kaya ayon parang alam ko lang ang pakiramdam at siguro ganito yung klase ng saya na nadama nila at maaring higit pa. 

 

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko masambit ng sakto kung baket ako masaya ... pero ito kase yung klase ng ligaya na kahit naranasan kong simangutan at hindi kausapin ng maayos ngayong araw ay nagawa ko pa reng ngumiti at piliing mahalin yung taong nagsungit sa akin. Inisip ko na lang na marahil, kailangan nya lang nang pang unawa. :) 

Pinaalala saken ni Lord yung Proverbs 15:1, sabe nya dun na "a gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh words stirs up anger" .... lahat naman tayo ay tao lang. At kahit gaano pa tayong kabait ay  dadating ang mga araw na mabubugnot tayo, pero isang bagay pa ang natutunan ko na sa bawat aksyon na gagawen natin may kaakibat itong epekto sa tao na nakakita o nakarinig sayo. Pwede kang pumikit at mag buntong hininga hangga't kaya, pero kung hindi naman .. edi sige magalit ka' mainis ka o kaya magsungit ka gusto mo yan e. Ang tanong ko lang eh .. ipagpapalit mo ba ang isang relasyon sa isang sandaling hindi mo na control ang iyong emosyon?' sayang naman. Pero hindi bale .,wag ka pa ren mag alala kasi depende pa ren naman sa tao kung paano nya tatanggapin ang mga pangyayare sa paligid nya. :)

Ang likot ng isip ko. Basta ngiti ka lang.,wag natin sayangin ang pagkakataon na makapag bigay buhay dahil nagbigay ka ng ngiti at nagsalita ng maayos. Gusto kong balikan yung PAG - IBIG., punuin natin nito ang puso natin' si Jesus ang tinutukoy ko. MAgugulat ka na lang ... kumikinang ka na. :)

PAG - IBIG ni Yeng Constantino (awitngpusongmamon)

Mahiwaga ang pag - ibig. Matapos mawasak ang puso ko nung unang araw ng taon. Natagpuan ko ang sarili ko sa tunay na kahulugan ng pag - ibig. Nag - iisang tunay na pag - ibig. Salamat kay Yeng at sa mga taong natuwa sa pag gawa ko nito. :)

May hiwaga ang tunay na pag - ibig. Isusulat ko sa susunod. :)

A beautiful story :)

She lives her life just as she found it while he lives it without the fear of losing it. They crossed path sometime in 2003 in a University where they studied college. She didn't quite liked him at first because he always tease him and pull her pony tail from her newly fixed hair every time. Days went by and she already get used to it, 2004 came and early on that year her father died. Little did she know that his dad died when he was 2 or 3 until he began to open his life to her. The story has been told again .. and again .. and again. Since then, her view of him deepen. There's something about this man that is so special that draws her closer to him, in her heart she wants to show him how beautiful life is no matter what the circumstances are and there are far more important things to treasure than a stick of cigar which he values the most at that time. 


Days, weeks, months and years gone by what happened to thee?' she only remember the good things they've shared. Sometime over the years when he would catch a firefly to keep her from crying or make fun of himself even in public just so she would laugh., when one morning in the mountain after he climb up to the peak he brought down a flower for her. Remembering moments when he  was at her side the entire time when her mom whom he loves and loves him so dearly was sent to the hospital a couple of times. It is but a sweet memory to remember moments when they walk on the streets of some places and he hides from her (but not when it's dark) He never lose his patience towards her in her most bratty acts (not even once). He manage to even embrace the moods of her mom and sisters, she smiles. He has always been there ... he never left. 


It is a wonder when on the very first time that she met his family, they seem to be so knowledgeable about her that they know even her most embarrassing moments ... instantly she felt close and accepted by them. Their love made her love him all the more. 


Countless memories of both sorrow and joy were shared ..she can't help but smile every time she remembers them. But as they go older it can be that they have chosen to live different lives away from each other or yet live with someone else. No matter how perfect the picture can be.  It just wouldn't fit in to the frame of being together forever. 


Maybe they are the perfect two as most people sees it but there are things that just can't be. They may not end up together but she was told that he will remain to be her one great love. He may have loved another woman but she knows that he loves her more than anyone else. It's a special kind of love that he cannot share with anybody else. 


She may have cried a bucket of tears but her heart is not filled with regrets, she hopes the best of joy in the world for him as he hopes likewise for her. Roads may have to lead elsewhere somehow for a time but later in HIS rightful place and time they will see each other on the crossroads. :)

I don’t know why all the trees change in the fall
But I know you’re not scared of anything at all
Don’t know if Snow White’s house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today

Thank you for reading.