Season of Loneliness

by Joyieness Valenz on Wednesday, 28 September 2011 at 23:56

It's been 2weeks and 1 1/2 hours after my life has turned to the other end. Surprisingly, I somehow felt at peace and more than that I felt happy today. I'm still borken .. but slowly' the broken pieces are putting themselves back together to make me whole.

I have learned a lot and it's super cool how the learnings branch out to more learnings. There are three important lessons that I want to share with you tonight, aside from the other ones that maybe I can also share with you sometime soon.

1. Comfort Zone is dangerous - like Job, I am certain that the evil is jealous that God has been faithful in providing not only my needs but my wants as well. I have all the comforts of life a young lady like me could ever asked for, but you know .. after the theft, EVERYTHING has been taken away, not even a home is left for me. So for 2weeks now, everyday when I wake up I am not sure as to where to lay my head. But I praise God still because when He took away my comfort .. He made Himself known to me all the more. I don't mean that God is hesistant to give us comfort in the end He returned everything and even more to Job. So I am excited. :)

2. Humility to its roots - I admire Jesus, He is King but He humbled Himself for the sake of us sinners. The other day, it is so humbling to go to a computer shop or even borrow a cousins laptop just so I can talk to my mama when for the last years I own a laptop and had my wifi connection even at home. These days, I only stayed with relatives and friends and you know how it goes when it's not your own when for the last years I do what I want at home, laze around and just do whatever .. now it shouldn't be.

3. ........ - i dont know how to call it, but one of the most important lesson that I learned is that you have to independently live your own life somehow. That you cannot always depend on people to do things for you nor to always come available when you need them. We don't own all the problems in the world and as I have said before, we are all given equal shares of it. Moreover, when we learn to live happily on our own .. people will only come as a bonus to live a happier / better life.

*I am enjoying this season and I hope that in whatever season God has placed you today, you will also learn to hear what He wants You to grasp and enjoy it the same way I do. Be excited, life is good. Live it.

Apir!!!

Heart is Home

by Joyieness Valenz on Saturday, 24 September 2011 at 23:28

Steve Jobs once said in his message for the graduat'ing students of Staford University that Sometimes life is gonna hit you in the head with a brick .. don't lose faith.

Today, I come across a Facebook post that break my heart entirely to think that even in trouble times like this .. there will be people who are not considerate enough to even understand. Moreover, they will add up to your bearings and cause your heart to bleed all the more.And on the side, forgiveness always comes available.  It's sad, but God clearly said in His word ....

Isaiah 41:10 
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

In all gratitude, I sincerely thank the people who welcomed me in their homes and showed me their utmost love. Tita Eva, thank you for standing by me all throughout from taking my call that night to staying by my side during and after the investigation and until walking with me under the rain helping me to look for a new place to stay. It would've been harder without you. Tita Gay, for giving me the best comfort I could ever get and for staying up late just to wait for me to come home. For the sweet talks and good laughs amidst these trials I sincerely appreciate you. Ina, you are such a blessing, thank you for standing with me for 3days of PNF, for all the encouragements. For making me see that life is still beautiful and for the cool treat when I ran out of cash. I love you.Marvin and Kat , it's so sweet of you to sleep on the floor while I sleep on your bed. Marvin, for going out of your way that night to be where I am and Kat for stealing time in the office to contact me and for making room for me not only in your closet but in your private room as well .. I need less to say that you are the truest friends a catcat can have. Dyok, thank you for going out of your way to see me despite your lack in available time and for loving me sincerely. Jigs, I am never wrong to think that no matter how difficult life will be .. you will always be there for me. Seasons of life come and go but you stayed the same. Ma,Dee,Ate,Tricia,Sarah and Gina ., i love you with all my heart. I am no 7y.o. I will make it through. :)

For the rest of the people who gave me the tightest hugs you all know who you are. My dearest lolo and lola, I will always be okay. Much loves.  For my relatives - family for helping me sort my stuffs and all. Tita Jaque&Ryck for welcoming me in your house at any time. Ate Joy P.,for the most relaxing night, I appreciate the tea that you made for me, for the movie and all that. To the Batiancela - Fajardo family, to my victory family, C.A.Mak, my kids parents for the comfort and even for offering me your homes. My kids, who never fail to make teacher laugh ..  I am one blessed young lady :)

It's hard to accept that I no longer have my own home when everyone else has but when I saw an old lady sleeping on a street side I praised God for this life blow for it made me see how blessed I am. I learned that God will cause people to experience hardships to fullfill His purpose at any time at any season, no matter where you are or who you're with. And it is true that He will even use a massive of people for the sake of one. Right now, I am learning the hard way but in time I will only look back to this and smile. I don't have a home at this time but I reside in the heart of God and in the hearts of the people who love me so dearly.

Celebrate life, victory is possible :)

it's tiring .. but imma make it :)

NOT ALONE

by Joyieness Valenz on Tuesday, 20 September 2011 at 00:50 / Facebook

Heavy rain and I'm not quite sure where to go, I left my umbrella in the house where I last slept .. I stood still and faked a smile. It was late and it left me no choice but to ride a cab. Pondering on the things that life is offering me, the radio played a song that goes ...

I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you'll understand

Tears began to well up my eyes, I can't barely see a thing. I uttered a little prayer and asked God to deliver me on this. Five days ago, I am surprised to come home with my house door widely opened ... things scattered all across the house and as expected my dearly gadgets ALL gone [laptop/s, iPod,camera,sister's cp and cash] it took a short while before I get myself to move and the moment I did .. I lose control.

After 25 long yeas of being dependent, I am now on my own. I used to tell mama that I want to try it out .. to get my own place .. do what I want with my time and all the like until I had the chance to be in it when the theif came to steal not only my things but my comfort of having a place to call home. This is tougher than I think it would be, and surely I don't understand why God wanted me to go through all these. But for whatever reason He is preparing me for, I pray that I'll endure.

BADTRIP : Ano bang problema mo?!

by Joyieness Valenz on Monday, 29 August 2011 at 21:45 / Facebook

Last week we had an admin / faculty photo shoot for the school's website and I got depressed after looking at the photo because I look awefully bad. Today, I receive an sms from a networker who is bugging me to sign up under his name that says "ang laman ng bulsa mo ay syang laman rin ng utak mo" meaning your earnings depends on the capacity of your brain. Agree or not this is what God taught me at this time of my life ..

Problems in life are like death, it can't be cheated. And no matter how big and small they are, everybody has it and there's no way you can bail yourself out. But how does it differ? perhaps it's the way we look at it and to whom do we run to when we have one. Do we stop and pitty ourselves, run to people to earn symphaty and hear words that we wanted to hear. Or see it as a platform to view your horizon and run to the ONE who knows everything that He created?'

I've been through a lot in my life,my sister almost died in 1998 when at the same time my uncle died. We have no money when I am about to enter college. I lived away from my parents and end up to be a working student. My pop died when I was 17 followed by my grandmother after a month, who happen to be the closest to me at that time because then, I live in my grandparents house and we sleep in one room. My grandpop almost gave up on his own life a year ago when it's almost his birthday. And yes, I had the most terrible heartbreak not any of you can ever imagine.

People often says, palagi kang masaya nu? wala ka bang problema?' well .. I do too. Honestly, my weight is a problem for me. My little earning perhaps is a problem too when it can't even meet my needs at times. My inabilty to get over the feelings that I have for the only man that I love is a big one not to mention the slow phase of my career is giving me headache and certainly living miles away from my mama, dee and sisters is sometimes depressing. So if you think that we don't have equal shares of life blows .. think again.


....to be continued.

Sick or healed .. I am SEALED

8-16 / FB Post

So I did not report to work today because I am feverish and feeling awefully bad. I was coughing and sneezing so bad that I can't hardly breath when I woke up. So I got up tried to dress up for work but end up sending sms to our school admin&acad to tell them that I can't make it. Maybe something inside is welling up and it is affecting me outwards.

I haven't talked to mama for a week until today when suddenly after talking to her, I felt so much better. Funny isn't it? she is like a medicine. I am 25, and yes I am still a mama's girl. Not to mention talking to dee put a smile on my face too.

Today, I knew that bears are real and they are not the usual cuddly huggable bear that we know of. Mama, dee and my sisters  went to Montana for a family reunion and like a 7y.o child .. they tell me stories that really  captivates my heart, they showed me photos of them in the place where mountains are so cool with all the animals like deers around it. It's my kind of fairytale .. OUTDOORS. It was followed with a really cool question like "when is the next climb?" and "you may have to get a tent .. this and that" can you  imagine a little kid throwing tantrooms and being bribed on? that's the picture.

Who am I and what I'm worth is something that I should never forget, I should know that in every season, my parents love me and more that HE does. Why? because I am me and I am chosen. And it cannot be changed no matter what I do wrong, no matter how bad I feel or no matter how undeserving I can be.

Reflecting from the word given last sunday, reading from the book of Ephesians. Knowing who we are changes the way we think, often we forget about how blessed we are and see things just like the norm. I am sick or should i say I was but now I am healed. In John 1:12-13 it says  Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. I am His child and He owns my life.,sure SEALED.

I will be made complete in Him .. and the rest will come as a bonus. I am a work in progress, i'll get there soon.