NOT ALONE

by Joyieness Valenz on Tuesday, 20 September 2011 at 00:50 / Facebook

Heavy rain and I'm not quite sure where to go, I left my umbrella in the house where I last slept .. I stood still and faked a smile. It was late and it left me no choice but to ride a cab. Pondering on the things that life is offering me, the radio played a song that goes ...

I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you'll understand

Tears began to well up my eyes, I can't barely see a thing. I uttered a little prayer and asked God to deliver me on this. Five days ago, I am surprised to come home with my house door widely opened ... things scattered all across the house and as expected my dearly gadgets ALL gone [laptop/s, iPod,camera,sister's cp and cash] it took a short while before I get myself to move and the moment I did .. I lose control.

After 25 long yeas of being dependent, I am now on my own. I used to tell mama that I want to try it out .. to get my own place .. do what I want with my time and all the like until I had the chance to be in it when the theif came to steal not only my things but my comfort of having a place to call home. This is tougher than I think it would be, and surely I don't understand why God wanted me to go through all these. But for whatever reason He is preparing me for, I pray that I'll endure.

BADTRIP : Ano bang problema mo?!

by Joyieness Valenz on Monday, 29 August 2011 at 21:45 / Facebook

Last week we had an admin / faculty photo shoot for the school's website and I got depressed after looking at the photo because I look awefully bad. Today, I receive an sms from a networker who is bugging me to sign up under his name that says "ang laman ng bulsa mo ay syang laman rin ng utak mo" meaning your earnings depends on the capacity of your brain. Agree or not this is what God taught me at this time of my life ..

Problems in life are like death, it can't be cheated. And no matter how big and small they are, everybody has it and there's no way you can bail yourself out. But how does it differ? perhaps it's the way we look at it and to whom do we run to when we have one. Do we stop and pitty ourselves, run to people to earn symphaty and hear words that we wanted to hear. Or see it as a platform to view your horizon and run to the ONE who knows everything that He created?'

I've been through a lot in my life,my sister almost died in 1998 when at the same time my uncle died. We have no money when I am about to enter college. I lived away from my parents and end up to be a working student. My pop died when I was 17 followed by my grandmother after a month, who happen to be the closest to me at that time because then, I live in my grandparents house and we sleep in one room. My grandpop almost gave up on his own life a year ago when it's almost his birthday. And yes, I had the most terrible heartbreak not any of you can ever imagine.

People often says, palagi kang masaya nu? wala ka bang problema?' well .. I do too. Honestly, my weight is a problem for me. My little earning perhaps is a problem too when it can't even meet my needs at times. My inabilty to get over the feelings that I have for the only man that I love is a big one not to mention the slow phase of my career is giving me headache and certainly living miles away from my mama, dee and sisters is sometimes depressing. So if you think that we don't have equal shares of life blows .. think again.


....to be continued.

Sick or healed .. I am SEALED

8-16 / FB Post

So I did not report to work today because I am feverish and feeling awefully bad. I was coughing and sneezing so bad that I can't hardly breath when I woke up. So I got up tried to dress up for work but end up sending sms to our school admin&acad to tell them that I can't make it. Maybe something inside is welling up and it is affecting me outwards.

I haven't talked to mama for a week until today when suddenly after talking to her, I felt so much better. Funny isn't it? she is like a medicine. I am 25, and yes I am still a mama's girl. Not to mention talking to dee put a smile on my face too.

Today, I knew that bears are real and they are not the usual cuddly huggable bear that we know of. Mama, dee and my sisters  went to Montana for a family reunion and like a 7y.o child .. they tell me stories that really  captivates my heart, they showed me photos of them in the place where mountains are so cool with all the animals like deers around it. It's my kind of fairytale .. OUTDOORS. It was followed with a really cool question like "when is the next climb?" and "you may have to get a tent .. this and that" can you  imagine a little kid throwing tantrooms and being bribed on? that's the picture.

Who am I and what I'm worth is something that I should never forget, I should know that in every season, my parents love me and more that HE does. Why? because I am me and I am chosen. And it cannot be changed no matter what I do wrong, no matter how bad I feel or no matter how undeserving I can be.

Reflecting from the word given last sunday, reading from the book of Ephesians. Knowing who we are changes the way we think, often we forget about how blessed we are and see things just like the norm. I am sick or should i say I was but now I am healed. In John 1:12-13 it says  Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. I am His child and He owns my life.,sure SEALED.

I will be made complete in Him .. and the rest will come as a bonus. I am a work in progress, i'll get there soon.

When things are too annoying ...

One kid is crying and the rest are busy making noise, one child comes to me asking to unbutton his pants coz he needs to pee while another child is calling because he needs a tissue to blow on. On the other corner are 2kids going under the table and ripping off my table sidings as another one hurt another unintentionally. Imagine it happening all at the same time and if you are not patient enough .. you might decide to just leave the room and sleep at home. "Lord, where are you? I need a whole bunch of grace"

Just so you know, we have a presentation this Friday and I am so pressured about teaching my kids with all the correct lyrics and actions of our song. I tell you, it isn't easy and their "being a child" adds up to making it more difficult. I don't know what happened to them today .. they were so unruly I felt so helpless getting their attention and have them obey me. I almost cried at that very minute and for the first time I raised my voice really high and suddenly it's like the earth stopped revolving .. looking at their innocent faces hurried on their chairs sat up straight and look at me I felt guilty and I hope I hadn't. So for that, I owe them an apology tomorrow.

You may probably read my post about all the fun-talks I had with the kids., my others friends are actually waiting when I'm going to share another while others say that they want to be a pre-school teacher too. So if you do too, this is the other side of being one.

Everyday, when I come to work I consistently ask God to make me come prepared, filter my thoughts, my heart and my mouth that I may only speak life towards them and show them the most sincere and kindest acts that I could. I hug them, kiss them and often reassure them of their worth because I love them and I know that it is my job to do so. But somehow, I lose track. I got tired and I feared that I almost swayed my way out.

....to be continued.

TIME OF MY LIFE

Life has it's own set of phase .. and timing has a lot to do with what could happen. I am trying to look at my life's Gannt Chart as I am listening to the song "Time of your life" by Greenday. Staring at the clear blue sky with a strong wind come rushing through my face by the window .. I say a little prayer to God.

I am asking God to search my heart as I am seeking Him earnestly at this point of time, He is so silent that He is making me want to reach out for Him all the more. I am waiting and waiting is sometimes awkward. I don't like the feeling, I don't like the season, I want to fast it forward but if I do .. I may miss out the vitals.

Perhaps I have forgotten who am I and fail to also remember that my timing is different from God's. You know that with too much people going I somehow felt left behind. I don't easily adopt to change .. well who does? .. so here am I on a pruning phase and I am just excited about what the next phase would be.